so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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