when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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