well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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