do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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