You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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