I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
