You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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