he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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