sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
