my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
