it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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