We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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