He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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