just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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