I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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