if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
