It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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