I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
