I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
