i jhust puked up my retainher.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
