did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
