So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
