Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
