If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
PANTIES FOUND
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
