when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
