I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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