god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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