thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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