I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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