i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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