What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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