God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
