Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
