Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
