Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize