Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
