I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
