It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
