woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
