we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
