But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
