My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
