when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Two words: nipple clamps
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