Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
