"it" just moved
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
