I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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