I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
