what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
