i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
