I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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