Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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