well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
