umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
