tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
