Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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