I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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