He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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