how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
