I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
