don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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