I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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