get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
