we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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