I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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