Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
