I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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