The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
