We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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