he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
