Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
