Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
