its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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