i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
