Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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