Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
