Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
