Is it normal to miss your booty call?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
