I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
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I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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