I just made out with a guy for $7.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
