I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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