I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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