I skipped work to stalk him.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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